Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
