shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize