found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
