The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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