i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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