i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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