My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
