if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Come on in and take your pants off
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