I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
why is half of my head shaved?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
