ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
