i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
one might say we're banned from that church
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
