Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize