did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
