Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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