do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
