physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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