we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
