just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
