I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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