dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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