Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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