found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
