capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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