Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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