She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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