Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
