I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
