My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
