I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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