I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
