yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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