i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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