he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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