I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
