Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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