I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
