I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
