its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
