Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
