happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
