literally had 100 drinks last night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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