You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
