you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
