Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
