You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
