i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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