JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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