I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
