about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
