i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't notice because vodka
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
