i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
