Already got asked if we're dating
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
