He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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