i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You almost got us killed.
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