Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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