so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize