I want to stick my p in your. b.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize