y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize