I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
