Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
