I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think my moral compass just broke
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
