Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
