Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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