Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
