so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i out mim tonsoeep
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