yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
