Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize