i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
