I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
