I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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