I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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