Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
