So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Screwed.edu
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
