im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
