I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
