Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
