why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
