I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
