You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
