There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
