"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
