Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
