Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
