i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
