I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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