I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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