Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize