The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
