I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
