He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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