If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
