my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
